Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?" God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect! Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!" To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell." "As you desire," said God. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair. "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?" "Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver".....!! !!!!!!!
1. “Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It’s like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: ‘Because of my mother.’” - Robin Greenspan
2. “After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, ‘Maybe life isn’t for everyone’.” - Larry Brown.
3. “The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.” - Paul Dean.
4. “If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” - Dr WC Heuper (1954)
5. “As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, ‘Relax, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients’, but the another kept reminding me, ‘Howard, you are a veterinarian!’” -Dick Wilson.
6. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” - Walter Matthau.
7. “A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.” - Joan Rivers.
8. “She got her looks from her father: He’s a plastic surgeon.” -Groucho Marx.
9. “For the majority of people smoking has a beneficial effect.” - Dr Ian MacDonald (1963)
10. “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.” - Samuel Goldwyn.
11. “I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation.” - Jeffrey Bernard
12. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” - Steve Martin.
13. “No-one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.” - Kin Hubbard.
14. “There must be something to acupuncture.After all, you never see any sick porcupines!” - Bob Goddard.
15. “The operation was a complete success, but the patient died of something else.” - John Chiene
16. “I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.” - Groucho Marx
17. “A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.”- Merv Stockwood.
18. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.” - Jerry Vale
19. “I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridges” - Spike Milligan
20. “The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.”
